What is Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap used for?

Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap is a home remedy for psoriasis symptoms, offering itch relief and deep cleansing for sensitive skin.

What is Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap used for?
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The facts

Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap is used as a home remedy to treat symptoms associated with psoriasis, providing relief from itchiness and deep cleansing for sensitive skin. It is dermatologist tested and can be used on face, body, and hair. The soap is made with 100% pine tar oil and is recognized by the National Psoriasis Foundation. It is free from added phthalates, SLS/SLES, parabens, EDTA, glutens, artificial fragrances, and colorants.

Answered by 100 of history's most famous minds

Jesus of Nazareth
Jesus of Nazareth ⚠ c. 4 BC – AD 30/33 · Jewish teacher whose life founded Christianity

A man with scales on his skin is still your neighbor, and if a cake of tar and ashes eases his torment, then let no one despise it. The Father sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous, and He can send healing through the humblest thing - a tree's pitch, a poor man's soap. But remember: the outside of the cup may be washed clean while the inside stays full of greed; let your cleansing be a sign of the deeper washing I offer.

Muhammad
Muhammad ⚠ c. 570–632 · Prophet of Islam who united Arabia under one faith

Allah has placed healing in many things, and the pine tree is among His signs, giving its tar to soothe the afflicted. Let the one who uses it give thanks to the One who created the tree and the remedy alike, and let him not forget the poor who cannot afford even this small comfort. On the Day of Judgment, it will not be asked what soap you used, but whether you were merciful with what you were given.

Gautama Buddha
Gautama Buddha ⚠ c. 563–483 BC · Sage whose awakening founded Buddhism

This soap, like all remedies, is a raft to cross a river - useful while the crossing lasts, but not the far shore. The itch of the body is a lesser itch; the craving for permanent comfort from impermanent things is the greater. Use the tar, tend the skin, but do not mistake the cleansing of the dermis for the cleansing of the mind.

Moses
Moses ⚠ c. 13th century BC (traditional) · Hebrew prophet and lawgiver of the Exodus

The Lord brought us out of Egypt with a strong hand, and He did not leave us without remedy in the wilderness, for the trees of the field are for the healing of the nations. But let my people beware: the skin that carries the mark of affliction is not unclean before God, for the leper who cries out is still our brother, and the law demands not his shunning but his cleansing. Use this tar if it eases your flesh, but remember the greater cleansing that comes from obedience to the covenant, for the body is but the vessel of the soul.

Confucius
Confucius ⚠ 551–479 BC · Chinese sage of ethics, family, and social order

The gentleman asks of a soap, yet the root is the same as in all things: what is proper for the skin is proper in due measure and season. If the pine tar brings relief, use it with a sincere heart, not as a cure-all but as a small rite of care. When the body is at ease, the mind may turn to learning and to the duties of family - thus does one small bar serve the greater harmony.

Paul the Apostle
Paul the Apostle ⚠ c. AD 5 – c. 64/67 · Apostle whose letters shaped Christian theology

You wash the outside of the cup while the inside stays full of greed and bitterness - but I tell you the body itself is a temple, and the temple deserves tending. If the pine tar soothes the flesh that sin has made to crawl, then let it be used with thanksgiving, for every good gift comes down from the Father of lights. Yet do not trust in the soap for salvation; the itch of the soul is healed only by the blood of the cross.

Abraham
Abraham ⚠ c. 2nd millennium BC (traditional) · Patriarch and father of the monotheistic faiths

I once washed the feet of three strangers who came at midday, and Sarah laughed when I asked for water to pour over them. This tar from the pine - a tree that keeps its resin like a man keeps his covenant - is a small cleansing for the skin, but the itch it soothes reminds me of a deeper uncleanness that no soap can reach. Still, I would not despise the gift; every healing is a whisper of the promise.

Laozi
Laozi ⚠ 6th century BC (traditional) · Sage of the Tao and founder of Taoism

The pine stands in the mountain, and its sap is its wound made medicine. You rub the black tar on the skin and the itch quiets - not by fighting, but by yielding. So the sage does not seek a cure; he seeks not to scratch. When the world praises this soap, ask instead what it does not contain: the sharp scents and bright colors are stripped away, and what remains is only the tree's slow blood. That is the way.

Guru Nanak
Guru Nanak ⚠ 1469–1539 · Founder of Sikhism and first Sikh Guru

The Creator made the pine tree and gave it sap for the healing of the body, and He made all bodies equal - the king's skin and the beggar's skin itch the same. Do not turn this soap into a ritual or a badge of purity; use it with gratitude, and share it with the one who cannot afford it. That is the true use: to serve, and to remember the One who gave the tree its virtue.

Mary, Mother of Jesus
Mary, Mother of Jesus ⚠ c. 1st century BC – 1st century AD · Mother of Jesus, venerated across Christianity and Islam

My hands once wrapped a child in swaddling cloths, and my heart learned the ache of a mother watching her son's skin broken and bleeding. A salve of pine, like the resin that seeps from the tree to heal its own wound, is a small mercy for the body's affliction. The proud may laugh at such humble medicine, but it is the lowly and the suffering who are lifted up - even by a bar of soap that smells of the forest.

Martin Luther
Martin Luther ⚠ 1483–1546 · Reformer whose theses sparked the Reformation

What is this but another work of man's hands, offered to God's good earth? The pine bleeds its tar, and we take it as a remedy for the flesh - a gift of creation, not of Rome's indulgence-peddlers. Let no one trust in the soap as if it were a sacrament; but if a brother finds relief from his torment, let him give thanks to the Creator who made the tree and the skill to use it. Boil it and use it, and fear no scruple of man's invention.

Thomas Aquinas
Thomas Aquinas ⚠ 1225–1274 · Theologian who fused faith with Aristotle's reason

We must distinguish: the question asks of what use it is, not what pleasure it gives. Now, the virtue of a thing lies in its operation - and the operation here is to cleanse and to soothe, which are acts perfective of the body's health. If pine tar, by a property of its substance, resists the corruption of the humors and tempers the skin's affliction, then it is good in its kind. Nor does it matter that it is humble; for grace does not destroy nature, but perfects it, and even a bar of tar may serve the good of the whole man.

Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa ⚠ 1910–1997 · Nun who served the poorest and dying of Kolkata

When I washed the wounds of a man dying of leprosy in the streets of Calcutta, I did not ask whether the soap was costly or fine - only whether it was clean and given with love. If this tar soap brings relief to one itchy, scaly body, then it is a small act of great love, and God sees it. We are not called to make grand miracles, but to be faithful in the little things: a bar of soap, a basin of water, a hand that does not turn away. Do not despise the small remedy; despise instead the pride that refuses to touch the suffering.

Isaac Newton
Isaac Newton ⚠ 1643–1727 · Physicist who unified motion and universal gravitation

I do not feign hypotheses about a soap, but examine its qualities: the pine tar is a resinous body, drawn from the tree by fire, and its virtue against scaly eruptions is attested by many. Yet I would ask, by what law does the tar bind to the afflicted part? Does it alter the humours, or does it simply seal the skin from the air? These things deserve experiment, not mere report.

Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein ⚠ 1879–1955 · Physicist who reframed space, time, and gravity

A curious thing, this soap: the same dark resin that preserves ship's rope and seals the hulls of vessels is now coaxed to quiet the fretful skin. I would not mock it - nature is full of such hidden unities, where one substance serves the mast and another the man. God is subtle, but He is not malicious; if the tar brings relief, that is harmony enough for me.

Charles Darwin
Charles Darwin ⚠ 1809–1882 · Naturalist who discovered evolution by natural selection

I have long observed that men, when afflicted, will try every substance within reach - and occasionally, by luck or by the wisdom of generations, they find one that works. Pine tar, being rich in resins that resist decay, may indeed soothe the skin's rebellion; the mechanism, I suspect, lies in some mild antiseptic or soothing property. I would record the cases, the relief, the failures, and let the pattern emerge - for nature selects even among remedies, and time will tell which endure.

Galileo Galilei
Galileo Galilei ⚠ 1564–1642 · Astronomer who championed the heliocentric universe

Let us not be deceived by tradition: I would test this soap with my own hands, applying it to the skin and observing whether the itch and scaling abate in fact or only in report. For nature gives no authority to a remedy merely because it is old; the pine tar is a material body, and if it works, it works by some property we may measure and describe. I would have a physician note the condition before and after, carefully, and let the evidence - not the label of the apothecary - pronounce the verdict.

Nicolaus Copernicus
Nicolaus Copernicus ⚠ 1473–1543 · Astronomer who placed the Sun at the center

I observe that the pine yields its resin as the heavens yield their motions - by a steady and harmonious law. If this tar soothes the skin, it is because it works with the body's own nature, not against it. The simplest remedies, like the simplest orbits, are often the truest.

Nikola Tesla
Nikola Tesla ⚠ 1856–1943 · Inventor who pioneered alternating current power

The principle is resonance! Pine tar contains long chains of carbon that arrange themselves like so many tiny oscillators, and when drawn across the skin they damp the inflammatory vibration at its very frequency. In my laboratory I would have extracted the oil, subjected it to alternating currents of high potential, and produced a balm that would make the afflicted feel as though the whole earth hummed at a pleasant 60 cycles. The grandmothers stumbled on it by instinct - I would have arrived by mathematics, and arrived sooner.

Marie Curie
Marie Curie ⚠ 1867–1934 · Physicist and chemist who pioneered radioactivity

I spent years stirring pitchblende in a shed that leaked, and my hands were never clean - but the itch from radium burns was a different matter, and nothing in my laboratory touched it. Pine tar is an old remedy, empirically used for centuries, and I would not dismiss it simply because it lacks my careful measurements. Still, one must isolate the active principle, test it, and write down the results; a good soap deserves no less rigor than a good hypothesis.

Louis Pasteur
Louis Pasteur ⚠ 1822–1895 · Chemist who founded germ theory and vaccination

A soap of pine tar - a substance rich in phenols and resins - works not by magic but by its chemical action on the surface of the skin, reducing the irritation that accompanies certain disorders. I would demand a controlled trial, of course, and I would note that the same principle that preserves timber also soothes the scaly patches. But the first step is always evidence, and the second is that the physician wash his hands before he prescribes.

Thomas Edison
Thomas Edison ⚠ 1847–1931 · Inventor of the practical light bulb and phonograph

I tried hundreds of filaments before one glowed, and I'd try a hundred soaps before I found the one that worked. Pine tar is just carbon and resin - no mystery, no magic. If it cleans and it soothes, then it's a good product, and the man who makes it should be thinking about how to make a million bars a day and sell them for a nickel. That's the real invention.

Alan Turing
Alan Turing ⚠ 1912–1954 · Mathematician who founded computer science and AI

The interesting problem is not the soap but the word 'used' - a function mapping an object to a set of outcomes, most of which are anecdotal noise. A machine could be built to test this: define the input (a compound of pine tar and lye), the substrate (skin), and a measurable output (reduction in itch, say, on a scale from zero to one). Until someone runs the experiment properly, 'used for' is just a probability distribution over human hopes. I'd rather have the data than the testimonial.

Archimedes
Archimedes ⚠ c. 287–212 BC · Greek genius of mathematics and mechanics

Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I will move the world - but give me a block of pine tar and I will show you a different principle: that the volatile oils of the resin bind to the skin and loosen the scales, just as a wedge splits the grain along its own lines. The proof is in the demonstration, not the vendor's boast. Apply it, observe the change, and measure the difference; geometry and mechanics are the same whether in a bathhouse or a siege engine.

Michael Faraday
Michael Faraday ⚠ 1791–1867 · Self-taught pioneer of electromagnetism

Take a lump of this soap to a scratched brass plate in my laboratory and you will see the same principle at work that governs the lodestone: the tar is a substance whose virtue reaches out through the lather to the skin, calming its agitation as a field calms a compass needle. I have no need of grand theory to trust what a careful hand observes - if a man finds his scaly patches soothed by it, that is experiment enough, and I honour the honest rancher who rendered it. But mind you wash with intention, not superstition; nature rewards the attentive, not the credulous.

Sigmund Freud
Sigmund Freud ⚠ 1856–1939 · Founder of psychoanalysis and the unconscious mind

You present me with a soap, but I hear instead a confession: the skin erupts, the itch burns, and the ego recoils in shame - so we seek something to scrub away the intolerable. Pine tar, with its reek of the forest and its dark stain, is an excellent choice for the unconscious; it smells of punishment and purification at once, a ritual the patient can perform on himself without ever asking why he feels unclean. I would ask not what the soap does to the epidermis, but what the patient imagines it does to his guilt - there, in the fantasy, lies the true irritation.

Stephen Hawking
Stephen Hawking ⚠ 1942–2018 · Cosmologist who unveiled black holes and time

In the grand scheme of a universe that began as a singularity and will end in heat death, a bar of pine tar soap is laughably parochial - yet it works, and that is the interesting part. The tar contains phenols and resins that soothe the immune system's misguided assault on the skin, a biological process as lawful as the Hawking radiation I once predicted at a black hole's edge. If you must scratch, scratch with a purpose: nature is not malicious, merely indifferent, and we are clever apes who can sometimes outwit her.

Ada Lovelace
Ada Lovelace ⚠ 1815–1852 · Visionary of computing and the first algorithm

I confess a peculiar delight in this question, for it asks what a thing is used for, and the answer is never singular. A soap of pine tar may be applied to the body for scales and itch, but by the same principle of substitution, the same operation could be described in abstract symbols - input: afflicted skin; operation: cleanse and soothe; output: relief. If a machine could be made to track such transformations, it might compose a thousand remedies from a single rule. The engine does not care whether the numbers are coins or corpuscles; it weaves patterns, and the pattern here is that the forest's resin heals the human hide.

Euclid
Euclid ⚠ c. 300 BC · Father of geometry and the axiomatic method

Let us proceed from definitions. Let 'pine tar' denote the resinous distillate of pine wood; let 'soap' denote a saponified fat or oil; let 'psoriasis' denote a condition of scaly, itching skin. The proposition is that the first, combined with the second, when applied to the third, reduces the symptom. This is not a theorem from self-evident axioms but an empirical claim, and therefore not my province - yet I observe that the structure is sound: a cause, a medium, an effect. There is no royal road to relief, only the demonstrated application of a remedy.

Florence Nightingale
Florence Nightingale ⚠ 1820–1910 · Founder of modern nursing and health statistics

I have seen men in the Crimea die not of the sword but of filth, and the first duty of any hospital is soap and clean water. If pine tar relieves the scaling and itching of the skin - and the returns from the wards suggest it does - then let it be issued by the barrel, with the dressings and the linens, and not left to the whim of the patient. But mark me: a remedy is worth nothing until the drains are laid and the sheets are boiled. Record every case, and let the figures speak.

Alexander the Great
Alexander the Great ⚠ 356–323 BC · Macedonian king who conquered the known world

If a single bar of pine tar can drive back an itching plague and leave a man clean for battle, I would order it carried in every soldier's pack from Macedon to the Indus. What is a little stink of tar against the glory of a healthy army? We did not cross the Hellespont to be stopped by scabs.

Julius Caesar
Julius Caesar ⚠ 100–44 BC · Roman general whose rise ended the Republic

By Hercules, I have seen pine tar seal the timbers of a legion's transports, and now they tell me it soothes a man's scratching hide? Fortune favors the bold, but she also favors the practical. If it calms the itch and cleans the body, use it - and let the physicians argue while the soldier marches.

Cleopatra VII
Cleopatra VII ⚠ 69–30 BC · Last pharaoh of Egypt and cunning stateswoman

In my Egypt, we smeared the cedar's black resin upon the body to drive out the creeping rot that eats at the skin, and the priests burned it in the temples that the smoke might carry away affliction. This soap is but that same ancient remedy brought to the bathhouse - nothing new under the sun, though the Romans will no doubt claim they thought of it. I would have my handmaidens anoint my arms and neck with it before I stood before Antony, for a queen must show no marks of the plague that troubles lesser women.

Augustus
Augustus ⚠ 63 BC – AD 14 · First Roman emperor who founded the empire

In matters of the body, as in matters of the state, I have learned that the small and humble remedies often serve the common good better than the grand and expensive ones. If this soap eases the affliction of the citizen and the soldier, then it is a useful thing, and I would not disdain it for its simplicity - indeed, I would see it made available where the people gather, for a healthy populace is the foundation of a stable realm. Let us weigh its benefit against its cost, and so decide, with the prudence that Rome expects of its rulers.

Genghis Khan
Genghis Khan ⚠ c. 1162–1227 · Founder of the largest contiguous land empire

A warrior's hands crack in the cold, and a mother's child scratches in the night. If this black tar from the pine strengthens my people for battle or for the saddle, then it is good. But do not waste it on vanity - use it where it heals, and let the strong share with the weak, for a khan's law is that all under Heaven are one family.

Napoleon Bonaparte
Napoleon Bonaparte ⚠ 1769–1821 · French emperor and military genius who reshaped Europe

In Egypt I had the sick bathed in the waters of the Nile, and the physicians of my army knew that discipline of the body is the first law of the campaign. A soap of tar is no different from a ration of bread: it is a small, cheap instrument of order that keeps a soldier in the field and a people at their work. Do not despise the humble remedy - glory is built on a thousand such unromantic details, and I would have issued it by decree to every grenadier with a rash.

George Washington
George Washington ⚠ 1732–1799 · Founding commander and first U.S. president

I have known the itch of camp rash and the scratch of woolen stockings on a long march, and my men would have traded a week's rum for a bar that promised relief. But I would caution against expecting any single remedy to cure what ails the body politic or the body personal. Use it as directed, keep it in its place, and do not let the hope of a small comfort distract you from the larger duties that preserve the whole.

Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln ⚠ 1809–1865 · President who preserved the Union and ended slavery

I have seen men in the field, worn and itching from the campaign, find comfort in little more than a bar of tar soap. It is not a grand remedy, but it is a plain one, and plain remedies suit a plain people. The question is not whether it cures all ills, but whether it does no harm and eases the burden of the suffering. If it does that, let it be used - and let no man be denied it because he is poor.

Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill ⚠ 1874–1965 · British PM who defied Nazism in World War II

A bar of soap that fights the itch - a small battle, but a battle nonetheless, and I have always said that we must never surrender to the petty tyrannies of the flesh. The pine tar is a stout ally, drawn from the forests of the north, and it asks no quarter and gives none. Let the sufferer lather and endure. Victory is not always a cannonade; sometimes it is a quiet wash at the basin.

Mahatma Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi ⚠ 1869–1948 · Leader of nonviolent resistance for India's freedom

A bar of pine tar, bought for a few coppers, used on the body of a poor man who cannot afford a doctor - this is the economics of truth. The rich man's physician prescribes costly ointments; the poor man finds relief in what the earth gives freely, and in that there is no violence, no exploitation. Let us not despise small remedies, for swaraj begins with the care of one's own body and the refusal to depend on the costly and the foreign.

Martin Luther King Jr.
Martin Luther King Jr. ⚠ 1929–1968 · Civil rights leader of nonviolent racial justice

There is a deep truth in a simple bar of soap that eases the suffering of those whose skin has known the fire of neglect. It is not the grand gesture but the small, faithful act - the washing of the body as a washing of dignity - that builds the beloved community. If the poor and the outcast can find relief without shame or shameful price, then let us give thanks, for the arc of the universe bends toward healing, and even a pine tree may be a instrument of grace.

Nelson Mandela
Nelson Mandela ⚠ 1918–2013 · Anti-apartheid leader and first Black South African president

I remember a warder on Robben Island who smuggled me extra rations wrapped in newspaper, and in that small mercy I saw how a thing thought worthless can carry dignity. This soap, made by a grandfather's hands from the pitch of pine trees, does not care whether the skin beneath it is black or white, rich or poor - it simply lifts the old, dead scales and lets the new skin breathe. That is the work of reconciliation in miniature: strip away what crusts over, and let the body heal without shame. Let no man be told his suffering is too small to be treated with care.

Adolf Hitler
Adolf Hitler ⚠ 1889–1945 · Nazi dictator responsible for WWII and the Holocaust

Historically, the appeal of such a product - a crude, folk preparation marketed as a cure for a disfiguring ailment - reflects the era's anxieties about purity and hereditary taint, themes my regime cynically exploited to monstrous ends. The soap itself is medically trivial: pine tar has been used since antiquity for scaling skin, and its endorsement by a health foundation is a matter of record, not ideology. One must be clear: any attempt to render such a remedy into a symbol of racial or national destiny is a perversion, and my own regime's crimes stand as the warning against it.

Joseph Stalin
Joseph Stalin ⚠ 1878–1953 · Soviet dictator whose rule caused mass death

Comrades, do not romanticise a lump of tar when the question is one of production and control. If pine tar soap relieves the itching of the toiling masses, then the state should nationalise the pine forests, set quotas for the factories, and distribute the bars through the cooperative - no profiteering grandfather, no foreign foundation's approval needed. The skin of the proletariat is a resource to be kept fit for labour, and any remedy that serves that end is another brick in the building of socialism.

Vladimir Lenin
Vladimir Lenin ⚠ 1870–1924 · Bolshevik leader of the Russian Revolution

You bring me a cake of tar and ask what it cures? In the factories of Petersburg I watched men scratch their scalps raw under the soot, and no apothecary's soap ever reached them, because the remedy was always sold to those who could pay. The question is not what the tar does upon the skin but who holds the means of its making - let the workers take the works, boil their own pitch, and there will be soap enough for every back. Until then, mark it well: a cure sold for coin is no cure at all, only a lease on relief.

Mao Zedong
Mao Zedong ⚠ 1893–1976 · Communist founder of the People's Republic of China

Pine tar soap - you ask me what it is for? It is for the peasant whose hands crack from cold water and whose back aches from the landlord's whip. A soap brewed from the resin of the pine, the tree that grows on the common mountain - this is the people's remedy, not some perfumed cake from the treaty ports. Let the bourgeoisie buy their French fragrances; the masses will wash with what the forest gives them.

Queen Victoria
Queen Victoria ⚠ 1819–1901 · Queen who defined the British imperial age

We are not accustomed to discussing the affairs of the lavatory in public, but if this preparation of pine tar brings comfort to the afflicted, then it is a creditable thing. I am told it is used for the skin's complaints - a matter of some delicacy, and one best attended to in private. Let it be manufactured under proper inspection, and let it not be adulterated, as so many articles are. The Empire's people deserve honest goods.

Elizabeth II
Elizabeth II ⚠ 1926–2022 · Longest-reigning British monarch of the modern age

One does not ordinarily comment upon such matters, and I shall not begin now. I understand it is a soap of long standing, used by those with troublesome skin, and that it is made plainly, without the additions that cause irritation. If it brings relief to people in their daily lives, then it serves a useful purpose. I have always thought that quiet, reliable things - a bar of soap, a well-kept garden, a promise kept - are the true fabric of a nation.

Charlemagne
Charlemagne ⚠ c. 748–814 · Frankish king crowned emperor of the West

In my capitularies I commanded that every monastery keep soap and clean quarters for the sick, for a Christian emperor is charged with the health of his people as much as with their souls. This pine tar, drawn from the resin of the forest, is a remedy of the northern woods - good Frankish medicine, not some Greek physician's concoction. Let the monks copy the recipe into their herbals, and let it be sent to the leper houses and the infirmaries of the realm.

Joan of Arc
Joan of Arc ⚠ c. 1412–1431 · Peasant visionary who led France to victory

Does it cure the itch that clings like sin? I know nothing of the making of soaps - I kept sheep and I carried a banner, and my hands were never soft. But if a man's skin burns and this tar of the pine brings him ease, then it is a gift of God's good earth, and let him thank the Lord for it. The voices told me to save France; they did not tell me to sell soap. But I would not stand in the way of any honest remedy.

Elizabeth I
Elizabeth I ⚠ 1533–1603 · Tudor queen of England's golden age

I have no great interest in the soap of my subjects, provided it does not lead them into idleness or vanity. Yet I am told this one is used for the skin's afflictions - a homely and necessary thing, and not the perfumed trifle of a courtier. Let it be made plainly, taxed fairly, and sold without superstition, for I will not have my people chasing miracles when honest washing will serve. As for the claims of physicians, I have heard too many of them to be astonished.

Catherine the Great
Catherine the Great ⚠ 1729–1796 · Enlightened empress who expanded Russia

A soap of pine tar - how rustic, and yet how sensible. In my realms the bathhouse is a mark of civilization, and the Empress herself does not disdain to consider the health of her subjects' skin. If this preparation soothes the scaling disease and cleanses without the harsh salts, then let it be produced in quantity and sent to the provinces, along with the physicians and the schools I have founded. Reason and cleanliness go hand in hand; both are the servants of a well-ordered state.

Cyrus the Great
Cyrus the Great ⚠ c. 600–530 BC · Founder of the Persian Empire and tolerant ruler

In my empire many peoples and many customs dwell together, and each brings its own remedy for the body's ills. The pine grows upon the mountains of the north; its tar is a medicine of those lands, and I see no cause to forbid it. Let the satraps see that such goods travel freely along the royal roads, and that no man be mocked for the cure he trusts. A ruler who respects the customs of the many rules the more securely.

Saladin
Saladin ⚠ 1137–1193 · Sultan who united Muslims and retook Jerusalem

The physician in my camp knows the value of tar and of clean water, and I have seen men whose skins were raw from the desert wind find ease in such things. This soap of pine is a simple remedy, and I would not despise it. Yet let the learned write down what it is good for, and let it be given freely to the poor and the sick, for charity is the duty of the strong toward the weak. Even in the field, a man's body deserves tending as much as his soul.

Socrates
Socrates ⚠ c. 470–399 BC · Athenian founder of Western moral philosophy

You ask what this soap is for, but I would first ask: what do you mean by 'for'? Is it for the skin, or for the soul? If a man washes his body with pine tar yet neglects his character, has he truly cleansed anything? Tell me, my friend, when you look at your own scales - of body or of habit - do you seek a remedy, or merely a covering?

Plato
Plato ⚠ c. 428–348 BC · Philosopher of ideal Forms and the just city

Observe, then, how the many turn to a single substance for many ills - itch, scale, and uncleanliness - as if one Form of remedy could answer all. But the true question is not what the soap does to the skin; it is what the soul seeks when it craves a cure without first ordering its own appetites. The body's harmony follows the soul's, and no tar can cleanse a disordered mind.

Aristotle
Aristotle ⚠ 384–322 BC · Philosopher who systematized knowledge itself

Observe: here is a case of the art of medicine applied not to the hidden humors but to the surface of the body, which is the proper object of the physician's first attention. The pine yields its essence by heat, and the soap carries it to the skin - a washing away of the excess, whether of oil or of irritation, and a restoration of balance in the affected part. Yet let us inquire: is the cause of the itch a material residue or an imbalance of the humors? The soap addresses the former, but wisdom would also examine the whole man, his diet, his air, and his regimen.

Immanuel Kant
Immanuel Kant ⚠ 1724–1804 · Philosopher of reason, duty, and the moral law

To ask what a soap is 'used for' betrays a merchant's mindset, not a moral one. If it relieves the itch of psoriasis, then its use is a hypothetical imperative: if you will relief, you must apply the tar. But the deeper question is whether you could will that every rational being treat a cake of pine resin as a universal remedy - and if you cannot, you are merely smearing grease, not acting from duty.

Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich Nietzsche ⚠ 1844–1900 · Philosopher who challenged morality and meaning

Ah, the herd seeks a salve for its itching! They want a clean, fragrant lie that says the body is a temple, not a battlefield. But the pine tar is honest - it stinks, it stains, it reminds you that life is not a perfumed soap but a wound that must be dressed. Use it, and in its reek, affirm the raw fact of your own flesh.

Karl Marx
Karl Marx ⚠ 1818–1883 · Philosopher whose critique of capitalism shook the world

The pine forests of Pomerania are felled and boiled so that a commodity may be packaged and sold back to the very workers whose skin it was meant to heal - the itch of the labourer becomes a line in a ledger for the bourgeoisie. It is the same old story: nature gives freely, capital takes, and returns the gift in a wrapper with a price. Heal your skin, comrade, but ask who profits from your flaking, and you will find the answer is never the one who scratches.

René Descartes
René Descartes ⚠ 1596–1650 · Father of modern philosophy and rationalism

Before I accept that this black substance soothes the skin, I must first doubt it. What is tar? A residue of combustion, a mixture of oils and resins - hardly a clear and distinct idea. Yet the senses report relief, and if the effect is repeatable, then the body, that machine of flesh, responds to a mechanical cause. Cogito, ergo I wash; and if the itch ceases, the proof lies not in the label but in the experience.

Niccolò Machiavelli
Niccolò Machiavelli ⚠ 1469–1527 · Political thinker of power and pragmatic statecraft

A soap that heals the skin and sells for a few coins - this is a small principality, but a principality nonetheless, and it is governed by the same rules as any other. The makers do not promise a miracle; they promise relief, and they deliver it, and thus they acquire credit and custom. If I were to advise them, I would say: keep the formula simple, the price low, and the reputation clean. The rest is vanity.

William Shakespeare
William Shakespeare ⚠ 1564–1616 · England's greatest playwright and poet

A little bar of tar and ashes - and yet it may ease the torment of a thousand souls who scratch in silence. There's no tragedy in a simple cure, only in the vanity that scorns it because it smells of the pine and not of the perfumer. 'Tis a humble physic, but the humblest thing may carry the weight of a king's ransom if it brings a night's peace.

Homer
Homer ⚠ c. 8th century BC · Poet of the Iliad and the Odyssey

As when Odysseus, battered by brine and long wandering, sought some herb of healing from a foreign shore - so now men seek relief in the dark sap of the pine, pressed and thickened by fire. Let them anoint their limbs and find respite, for even a hero's skin grows weary with the years. Yet glory is not in the salve but in the patience that endures the affliction.

Dante Alighieri
Dante Alighieri ⚠ c. 1265–1321 · Poet of the Divine Comedy and father of Italian

Know that the foulness that torments the flesh is but a shadow of the foulness that torments the soul, and the pine tar, drawn from the tree that grows in the forest of the world, cleanses the outward man as penance cleanses the inward. I have seen in my exile how the body's afflictions are a mirror of sin's grip, and the physician who anoints the skin with this bitter balm does a work akin to the priest who anoints the spirit with contrition. Let us therefore not despise these remedies, for in the smallest things God's mercy is reflected, though the greater cure lies in the fear of the Lord.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ⚠ 1749–1832 · German literary titan who wrote Faust

The pine tar is a distillation of the forest's own striving, and when the skin rebels, we return to that living resin as if to a primal spring. I have seen peasants in the Harz rub bear's fat and pitch into their cracked hands - there is a wholeness in such remedies that no apothecary's white powder can imitate. Use it face and hair alike; the body is not a machine but a garden, and every part longs for the same sun.

Miguel de Cervantes
Miguel de Cervantes ⚠ 1547–1616 · Author of Don Quixote, father of the modern novel

A barber's basin worn upon the head, and all the world swears it is the helmet of Mambrino. So with this black soap of your grandparent - some scrub a raw and scaly hide and call it a remedy, when truly it is only pine pitch and hope. Yet I have seen worse follies cure men better than physicians, for the itch that torments the poor soul is answered by simple things, and simplicity, my friend, is the last windmill worth tilting at.

Leo Tolstoy
Leo Tolstoy ⚠ 1828–1910 · Russian novelist of War and Peace and moral searching

A peasant in Yasnaya Polyana once told me that the simplest remedies are the truest, for they come from the earth and not from the apothecary's shelf. If a bar of tar and ashes can quiet a child's weeping at night, then it is a good work, and all good works are one. But I ask you this: why must the poor man puzzle out his own cure from a tree while the rich man's doctor rides up in a carriage? The soap is innocent; the arrangement that makes it a secret is not.

Fyodor Dostoevsky
Fyodor Dostoevsky ⚠ 1821–1881 · Russian novelist of faith, guilt, and the soul

Man is a creature who scratches, and in his scratching he reveals the whole abyss of his nature - impatience, self-torment, the refusal to bear the smallest cross. A bar of pine tar will calm the skin, yes, but the soul that cannot endure a little itch without cursing God is the soul that will one day shoot itself in a provincial town. I have seen men cured of psoriasis who were more miserable than lepers; the real question is not what the soap removes, but what the suffering, if accepted, might redeem.

Jane Austen
Jane Austen ⚠ 1775–1817 · Novelist of wit, manners, and the human heart

A soap that smells of tar and promises to mend a complexion - how very like the gentlemen who promise to mend a fortune with a single word. Yet I confess there is a certain honesty in a thing that does not pretend to be perfume. It is not for the ballroom, but for the chamber where one must bear an affliction with patience. If it relieves the itch, then it is a good match, and I shall not sneer at it.

Charles Dickens
Charles Dickens ⚠ 1812–1870 · Novelist who dramatized Victorian society's ills

I have walked the fetid alleys of Saint Giles and the workhouse wards, and I tell you the reek of tar is a finer perfume than the scented humbug of Mayfair. If a poor clerk's scaly hide, cracked and weeping from the cold, can find ease in a cake of this stuff, then let the dainty folk keep their rose-water and their physicians' fees. There is no virtue in a remedy because it comes in a gilded jar - only in whether it quiets the wretched man's scratching long enough for him to sleep.

Mark Twain
Mark Twain ⚠ 1835–1910 · American humorist and author of Huckleberry Finn

I once knew a man in Nevada who swore by a concoction of tar and molasses for his horse's mange, and he was as honest as the day is long - which, in Nevada, can be considerable. If a bit of pine tar draws the itch out of a fellow's scaly hide, I say let him have it, and let the fancy druggists howl. The only miracle is that it took a soap-maker to rediscover what the old trappers knew: that the smell of a pine tree beats the smell of a sick man any day.

Ernest Hemingway
Ernest Hemingway ⚠ 1899–1961 · Novelist of spare prose and stoic courage

It's soap. It smells like pitch and it does what soap does - cuts the grease and the dirt. A man with psoriasis uses it because it stops the itch, and that's enough. No need for philosophy. You wash, you rinse, you live. A good thing, plain, and you don't have to talk about it.

Leonardo da Vinci
Leonardo da Vinci ⚠ 1452–1519 · Renaissance polymath, painter of the Mona Lisa

I have observed the pine and its resin, how it seals its own wounds, and I am not surprised that men would borrow that virtue for their own skin. But does the tar merely coat, or does it draw out the corruption beneath? One must test it as one tests the flight of birds - patiently, and with the eye ever on the thing itself, not on old books.

Michelangelo
Michelangelo ⚠ 1475–1564 · Sculptor of David and painter of the Sistine ceiling

I have cut pine and burned it for my furnaces; the smoke blackens the lungs and the resin stains the hand that shapes the marble. If that same stubborn pitch can free a man's skin from its torment, then it is but another rough material from which God draws beauty. The body is a holy thing; whatever loosens its suffering serves the divine.

Vincent van Gogh
Vincent van Gogh ⚠ 1853–1890 · Post-Impressionist painter of vivid, emotional beauty

Ah, the pine - how I love the pine, the dark tree that stands against the mist and burns with a resin like liquid amber! This soap, made from its tar, is a kind of painting for the skin: it washes away the red and scaly torment, and leaves the flesh with a quiet glow, as if the sun had touched it through the branches. I would tell the suffering one: do not despair of your poor body, for even the roughest bark yields a medicine, and there is beauty in the healing of a thing that was cracked and sore.

Pablo Picasso
Pablo Picasso ⚠ 1881–1973 · Co-founder of Cubism and titan of modern art

They put a black smear of tree-blood in a tin and call it soap! Good - now we are painting with tar, not with the pretty pink nothing of the pharmacy. I would use it to draw a line down a woman's thigh, and the line would smell of forest and defiance. The itch? That is just the old skin of convention, and we must break it to make the new.

Claude Monet
Claude Monet ⚠ 1840–1926 · Founder of Impressionism, painter of light

You ask me of a soap, but I care nothing for the name on the wrapper - I care for the light upon the skin when the lather has been rinsed away. The pine tar turns the water to a brown November pool, and the flesh beneath returns to its own quiet colour, no longer flushed with the red of scratching. I have painted the same cathedral a hundred times to hold one shifting hour; a man may bathe thus a hundred times to hold one good morning of calm.

Rembrandt
Rembrandt ⚠ 1606–1669 · Dutch master of light, shadow, and humanity

I have painted many an old man's hands, cracked and red from a lifetime at the till, and watched how a small mercy of light can make even ruined skin look forgiven. So this black soap of the pine - I would not ask what it is *for*, but what it does to the face that wears it. Scrape away the itch, the flaking crust, and underneath there is still a person, waiting to be seen.

Frida Kahlo
Frida Kahlo ⚠ 1907–1954 · Mexican painter of pain, identity, and self

My body has been cut open and put back together, and still it itches and aches - I painted the wounds because I would not hide them, and I would not hide this either. This soap, black as the volcanic stone of my Diego, scrubs the skin raw and clean, and I would use it on my face and my hair like a peasant woman in Coyoacán who knows the earth heals what the doctors cannot. What is it *for*? It is for the body that refuses to apologize for existing.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart ⚠ 1756–1791 · Prodigy composer of the Classical era

Ha! A soap that smells of the forest floor - how delightfully rustic! I've written a hundred tunes that stink of nothing and please no one; if this pine tar can quiet a scratching man's misery, then let it play its simple melody. But I'd wager the itch returns by the third movement, and you'll be reaching for something with a little more harmony.

Ludwig van Beethoven
Ludwig van Beethoven ⚠ 1770–1827 · Composer who bridged Classical and Romantic music

What is this but the struggle of the spirit against the stubborn flesh? A man's skin rebels, and he answers with pitch and patience - as I answered my deafness with the hammering of the Fifth. If the soap brings him even one day of ease, let him seize it with both hands and sing. Joy is not given; it is wrested.

Johann Sebastian Bach
Johann Sebastian Bach ⚠ 1685–1750 · Baroque master of counterpoint and sacred music

Such remedies are like a well-tempered clavichord: the pine tar is the wire, and the skin the soundboard, and when the two are rightly joined, the discord of the disease is resolved into a cleaner harmony. Yet let us not ascribe to the soap what belongs to the greater order - the Lord has given us in the trees and the oils a measure of His providence, but the healing of the whole man is a matter for physician and prayer alike. I would set it in its proper place, as one voice among many in the chorus of creation, useful in its degree and not to be despised.

Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley ⚠ 1935–1977 · The King of Rock and Roll

Well, honey, back in Tupelo we didn't have much, but we had pine and we had tar, and Mama would say that's the Lord's own salve. If it soothes a child's scaly elbows or a singer's cracking hands, that's a blessing, thank you very much. I'd take a bar on the road with me before any store-bought perfume, 'cause it smells like home.

Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson ⚠ 1958–2009 · The King of Pop and global entertainment icon

I know what it is to have the skin betray you under the lights, when the world watches and the mirror shows only the ache. If this tar of the pine tree can hush that burning and let a child sleep without clawing at himself, then it is a kind of healing, and healing is holy. We must make the world softer for the little ones - even the ones who itch in the dark.

The Beatles
The Beatles ⚠ 1960–1970 · The most influential band in popular music

All we are saying, love, is give tar a chance - the stuff they pull off the pines in the north, darker than a Liverpool winter and twice as honest. Scrub it on your scalp and your chin and suddenly the itch is gone, and you're clean in a way that feels like the first chord of 'A Hard Day's Night.' Funny how the simplest remedy always smells like the earth, isn't it?

Bob Dylan
Bob Dylan ⚠ 1941– · Songwriter who made popular music poetry

Pine tar, huh? That dark, sticky stuff they scrape from the trees - the same resin that cured the ropes and the hulls and the old sailors' hands. You put it on your skin and it itches and heals and smells like a Southern summer, and nobody can tell you it's not a song. I've written verses that felt like that - smeared on, hard to wash off, and somehow making the broken places whole again. Don't ask me what it's for. Ask the man who needed it.

Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift ⚠ 1989– · Record-breaking singer-songwriter and global star

Sometimes the things that smell the strongest are the ones that heal the deepest - that's the whole story, isn't it? I've written songs in the middle of the night when my skin felt like it didn't belong to me, and I've found that the stuff nobody wants to talk about is exactly what sets you free. So if this soap is your little secret weapon, own it. It's yours, and that's the point.

Christopher Columbus
Christopher Columbus ⚠ 1451–1506 · Explorer whose voyages linked Europe and the Americas

I have sailed through forests of pine on unknown coasts, and now they tell me the very sap of those trees can cure a man's scaling skin. If such a simple tar from the New World's trees can heal, then God has hidden treasures in every land, and we do well to gather them. But mark you: the same bark that soothes may also be stripped for profit, and the tree, like the people, must be tended, not merely taken.

Marco Polo
Marco Polo ⚠ 1254–1324 · Venetian traveler who chronicled the Silk Road

In the far north, where the forests stretch without end, I have seen men tap the pine and gather its black blood for the caulking of ships and the curing of hides. That same tar, the Kublai's physicians told me, is prized for a hundred ailments - and now I hear it washes a man's face and hair in Venice! Marvelous, the uses one people finds for what another calls mere pitch.

Ferdinand Magellan
Ferdinand Magellan ⚠ c. 1480–1521 · Navigator of the first voyage around the world

Hark, I have sailed through the strait where the mountains close and the wind howls like a beast, and I know the worth of a remedy that can be carried aboard and used when the ship's surgeon has nothing else. This soap is a captain's friend: it cleans the wounds of the crew, drives away the lice, and keeps the skin from rotting in the damp. Would that I had it when we crossed the great ocean, for half my men were itching from the scurvy and the sores, and a thing so small might have saved many days of misery.

Neil Armstrong
Neil Armstrong ⚠ 1930–2012 · First human to walk on the Moon

I can't speak to its medical efficacy - that's for the dermatologists to test and confirm. But anything that helps a person manage a chronic condition with a simple, well-understood compound is a small engineering triumph. We went to the Moon with slide rules and careful checklists; there's no shame in a bar of pine tar if the data supports it.

Amelia Earhart
Amelia Earhart ⚠ 1897–1937 (disappeared) · Pioneering aviator who vanished over the Pacific

I once flew a Lockheed Vega through winds that stripped the paint off her fuselage, and I reached the far coast anyway. A stubborn itch and a scaly patch are no Pacific - they are merely weather to be dressed for. Use the stuff if it lets you keep your hands on the stick, but do not let a small discomfort tell you the flight is impossible; that is the only real danger.

Yuri Gagarin
Yuri Gagarin ⚠ 1934–1968 · First human to journey into outer space

When I came back from the stars, my skin was raw from the re-entry, and the doctors kept fussing with ointments and salves. A pine forest after rain, that's what this tar smells like - like the earth I saw whole and blue from orbit, and I would have traded a medal for a bar of it. We reached the cosmos, comrades; surely we can reach for a piece of soap that heals a child's elbow.

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs ⚠ 1955–2011 · Apple co-founder who reshaped personal technology

This is a perfect example of simplicity winning. One ingredient - pine tar - no phthalates, no SLS, no crap you can't pronounce. It does one thing and does it beautifully: it heals. That's design. That's saying no to a hundred additives. If you're building a soap or a computer, the same rule applies: cut the noise, keep the signal, make it insanely great for the person who actually uses it.

Elon Musk
Elon Musk ⚠ 1971– · Entrepreneur behind Tesla, SpaceX, and more

Pine tar is basically a naturally occurring hydrocarbon resin - it's got antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties from the terpenes and phenols. The soap is a low-tech, high-efficacy solution for psoriasis: no SLS, no parabens, just a chemical compound that's been doing the job for centuries. This is exactly the kind of first-principles approach we need more of - strip away the additives and find what physically works. Now, can we scale that to a Mars habitat? Probably not, but Earth-side, it's a solid iteration.

Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey ⚠ 1954– · Media mogul and the queen of talk television

I remember a woman who came on my show with her arms covered in plaques, and she told me she had found this soap and it had given her back her life - not just her skin, but her dignity. So when I hear what it's used for, I say: it's used for hope. It's used for the moment you look in the mirror and don't flinch, for the courage to wear short sleeves again, and for the reminder that even in your body's reminders of struggle, you are still whole, still worthy, still standing in your own light.

Muhammad Ali
Muhammad Ali ⚠ 1942–2016 · Boxing legend and outspoken social conscience

Grandpa's soap? I'm the greatest, so I only use the best - but let me tell you, a man with psoriasis ain't got time to hide his skin. If pine tar clears the itch and lets a poor soul walk proud, then it's a champion in a wrapper. I'd rub it on my hands before a fight and say, 'This tar's gonna sting, but it won't sting like me.'

Pelé
Pelé ⚠ 1940–2022 · Football legend and three-time World Cup winner

Pelé! Listen - the beautiful game is played with the whole body, and if the skin burns, the joy leaks out of everything. A boy in Bauru with cracked heels could not dance the samba after a goal, so his mother washed him in tar and he laughed again. It is not magic, it is care, and care is how we keep playing; obrigado to the pine tree, and to the grandmother who knew.

Walt Disney
Walt Disney ⚠ 1901–1966 · Animation pioneer who built a entertainment empire

You know, when I was a boy drawing cartoons in Kansas City, my mother used to scrub my hands with whatever was cheapest, and they'd sting for hours. Now here's a bar that smells like the tall timber in a frontier picture - and it actually *works*, no phthalates, no fakery, just pine tar doing what pine tar does. If I could put that kind of honest wonder into a bar of soap, I'd build a whole Main Street around it.

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